


Never Alone

by cazmalfoy



Category: CSI: Miami, CSI: NY
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:26:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6633316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazmalfoy/pseuds/cazmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny always strived to be perfect. To Tim, he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Alone

Daniel Messer tried desperately to be perfect. Everything he did in his life, his every action and every decision was carefully monitored by at least one person. Mac had doubts about Danny’s past; Mac thought that there was something besides what Danny had already told him. Danny had to do everything he could possibly manage to prevent Mac from finding out that the rumors and gossip were true.   
  
He went to the gym several times a week. He saw these people whose bodies were perfect. They had the right muscle definition and size. All of Danny’s childhood and adolescence he had been skinny; not scrawny but not muscled enough to hold his own in the fight that ended his chances at playing pro-baseball. Every morning Danny would get up and go for a jog around Central Park to keep himself fit. He would go to work then when the shift was over, head to the gym where he would lift some weights in an attempt to build up his muscles. He never felt he would ever be good enough to display his body to other people.   
  
Until a little over two years ago, Danny had felt that he was doing a pretty good job of becoming who everyone wanted him to be. Then Sonny fed Mac the seed of doubt that still stayed with him after such a long time. Danny had been a member of the Tanglewood boys, but luckily he had gotten out before he could be branded with the Tanglewood insignia.   
  
It had been just after Danny got out of Tanglewood way back when he had been nineteen-years-old, when he fell in love with a Columbia student. Tim Speedle had been originally from Syracuse but now lived in Miami and studied in New York.   
  
The falling in love part hadn’t been instantaneous. They had spent several nights a week, locked tightly in each other’s arms. Danny’s immediate insecurities over Tim seeing him naked immediately disappeared. Tim worshipped Danny’s body like one would worship a golden shrine.   
  
After his course was over Tim headed straight back to Miami and the job that was waiting for him there, leaving Danny alone in New York once more with his insecurities. He found himself thinking that he wasn’t good enough to make Tim stay with him; that no one would ever want to stay with someone who was as imperfect as he was. That had been when he realized what his feelings for Tim were; the knowledge that he had lost Tim making the realization even harder to accept.   
  
Two years later and Danny had never forgotten Tim. Every time he passed the coffee shop where they used to go he was reminded of Tim. Danny had even taken to avoiding that area, despite having to walk an extra twenty minutes to wherever his destination might have been.   
  
Tim called him up out of the blue. Danny hadn’t even thought that Tim would have kept his number. The dark-haired man invited Danny to spend a week with him in Miami so that Tim could show him the sights. Danny had barely hesitated in answering. Inside he felt desperate to feel some kind of human contact, even if only for the briefest moment.   
  
The instant Danny had stepped up to Tim, fresh off the plane from JFK, the blond had broken down and told Tim how much he cared for him. As soon as the words had escaped his mouth he felt ashamed that he had left himself act like such a little boy who had his first crush.   
  
He had mumbled an apology to the floor and when Tim didn’t answer he faced his fear and looked up at Tim who was smiling and blushing furiously. Tim had pulled Danny closer and whispered the three words Danny had never heard used in reference to himself.   
  
A long distance relationship was a hard thing to maintain but it worked because Danny could tell how deep Tim’s feelings for him ran with every word that fell past Tim’s lips.   
  
But there was still something between them. A barricade that Tim didn’t know about but Danny couldn’t ignore. Tim knew nothing about the darkness of Danny’s past. The things he had done and the lies he had told to cover up his actions were on Danny’s mind whenever he heard Tim admit to his feelings for Danny.   
  
After five years, Danny had been visiting Tim in Miami. They had been curled around each other as the morning sun rose over Miami Beach. Danny hadn’t been able to keep up the pretense any longer and everything came spilling from his mouth. The truth about his past and what people would do if they found out the truth.   
  
Tim had remained silent for the entire time, letting Danny talk and get everything off of his chest. Danny had thought that Tim would leave him, just as everyone Danny had ever tried to get close to.   
  
But Tim had rolled them over and proceeded to make love to Danny, pushing all thoughts of his past out of the blond’s head. Later Tim had told him that what Danny had done in the past meant nothing. Danny’s confession had done nothing other than strengthen Tim adoration for him.   
  
Danny had gone back to New York feeling content in the knowledge that Tim still felt the same way, despite what he knew. But as soon as he arrived back in New York, the same old fears began to reappear as though they had been waiting for him to return.   
  
Tim had called Danny up that evening and everything Danny had felt previously seemed so tiny and insignificant with Tim’s voice surrounding him.   
  
They had been together for over ten years and they had been many arguments and fights, but in the end they always managed to find each other once more and Danny knew that he would never be alone as long as Tim was with him. 

 _I’m not afraid to show you who I am_  
And I am not ashamed of my life   
Though I’ve walked alone down this cold and soulless road   
I’ve always felt your heat in my bones   
  
With every step I rise and fall   
With everything to gain I end up losing it all   
When the darkness gets in   
I scream out and your light sets me free   
  
I’m not afraid of the past no more  
- Bad For Good, Meat Loaf


End file.
